Yes, I am a man and I do cry. What does that make me? A human being.
Feminism is the struggle of attaining equal rights for men and women and this article explains a perspective that has recently been largely ignored: a perspective of men. I never truly realized the power of a campaign that had begun in India, but through primarily Indian channels, like Star World, reached a country which needed it as much. I remember thinking that this was one of the few Indian ads that I had come across, which represented a well-founded message, one that our society desperately needed. A message that called for an end to domestic violence and advocated the concept of feminism from a perspective that is rarely dwelled upon: a perspective of equality for men.
Having faced predicaments due to the sheer virtue of being a woman, it was not hard for me to connect with the abused woman shown at the end of the video because that could very well be me one day. However, it was equally easy for me to feel the anguish of the man who by the end of this vicious cycle becomes the torturer from a victim. How could I even begin to feel for him, you might say, but the sad truth is, as a woman, I have the liberty to express my emotions and for this reason, can without a hitch be affected by people going through pain.
This video starts with the birth of a boy. An age where he is not yet intelligent enough to understand his surroundings or yet be influenced by the people around him; right at birth. Unfortunately, from this very moment, his training to refrain from crying has begun.
“Larkay Rotay Nahi Hain”
I’m sure all of us, Pakistanis, have heard it and judging from the campaign, Indians have too. I never realized the harm this four-worded sentence could bring, never once, thought of the power it possessed. For not only does it repress expression but also, establishes a distinction between the two genders. This video showcases all occasions that result in a normal human being ending up crying: joy, anger and grief. For every event, the portal of letting out the strong emotions that he feels is barred by a single statement: Larkay Rotay Nahi Hain.
The ability to feel emotion and express it is what makes us humans. It is what makes us who we are.
In conclusion, this mode of action results in boys ending up bottling their emotions leading to a build up of frustration that is often channeled out through abusing their counterparts who are weaker in physical capacity. The same beings that can not fight back because of a comparative lack of strength. Not only is it the mismatched bodily structure but somewhere in the subconscious of these very men resides the notion that ‘women are weak and thus, inferior’. You may ask what led to such an assumption. The very fact that women can cry while crying for men leads to them being associated with ‘women’. Are women so hideous a creature that what is scientifically proven to be an attribute of human nature can be associated with women and thus, wrong for men? This is the result of one ugly phrase.
For me, this add encompasses it all; it calls people to let men experience emotion, the emotion that makes them human and not weak. For tears are not a weakness but a strength because strong men shed tears at a time of acute pain instead of, beating up women to let loose their frustration or anxiety. Also, to me this breeds feminism. Yes, women in most fields are the repressed gender however, so are men. This is one example. The refusal to allow them to explore an emotion is derogatory and just, ethically erring. Furthermore, it conveys to men that it is not their inherent right to release their frustration by abusing women. They are not their punching bags nor do they have to put up with it. This is why it means so much because we need to strive towards a better world where men and women see themselves as equals and where actions are not characterised as womanly and hence, subordinate. Neither are actions acknowledged as manly and therefore, showcase someone as being exceptional because no, men are not superior to women just because nature has given them a physical structure that is stronger.
Larkay Rotay Nahi not only serves to teach us literally but it has metaphorical implications as well. For how many men have heard,
“Larkay Aisay Nahi Kartay”
Or
“Larkon Wala kaam Karo”
Certainly, as a society we impose numerous restrictions on our boys. Never can you disregard the societal norms and any step out of the boundaries, any impression to prove wrong what has been upheld for so many years as a divine truth, is considered nothing less than a heresy.
“Allah Mujhay kis gunah ki sazah mil rahi hai?”
“Log Kya kahein gay?”
Seems familiar? Yes, when a boy grows up and admits to his parents that he wants to become a model or study liberal arts, this is usually the response. Except, a few families the general public will begin to talk. Talk about how that poor guy is not manly enough, not responsible enough and who in their right minds would want to marry their daughter off to this ‘zanana’ (someone with feminine attributes)?
Parents rush to cover their child’s erroneous nature and bombard him with ‘what is right’ refusing to learn otherwise. Forever and always, the child learns to curb his own thinking learning to rely on what is already deemed acceptable and unacceptable. For boys, it is considered outrageous to envisage a career as a model or carry forth their studies in liberal arts. Mothers cry out beating their chests asking for the Lord to have mercy on them, they beg to be forgiven for their mistakes, for nothing can be worse than a son who dreams of pursing a career in arts. Any profession other than a doctor or an engineer (speaking in general terms to be fair) is rather a shame and you know what dear son? If you don’t have a respectable job, no girl with an acceptable background will ever agree to marry you and neither will you be able to take care of your family. Who cares about expanding your horizons or doing what your heart truly desires? Life is tough and no one gets a choice. Did your dad get a choice? No. He should serve as an example, for he has sacrificed his life to give you the best of everything: education and worldly desires. It’s ludicrous to think about your happiness, because at the end of the day, it’s not your life. Right?
Well, you’re wrong. ‘Larkay Rotay Nahi’ serves as a deeper instrument. It serves as a means to bury the facade of the unfair system which hinders males to decide for themselves what their life is and should be about. It evades the truth that their choices in life do not make them any less than any other man. Listen here and listen well: It doesn’t matter if you like painting or literature more than science or maths. It doesn’t matter if some things make you cry, because you can only tolerate so much. Face the truth: You’re human, after all.
Domestic violence has plagued our society for far too long and one of the reasons for it is practicing discriminatory conventions, ones that we should abandon from this very moment. An example that most of us ignorantly follow. This is where media plays the role that it should and this is why initiatives such as this powerful short film are of the utmost significance. It doesn’t matter where the initiative comes from but what it teaches us. From this time on, we need to pledge to teach our boys that they are not be the cause of another person’s agony, to be individuals who pursue their beliefs and fight for what they believe to be right, to be men who are the source of pride for parents because their endeavors in life bring them(the boys) happiness. Teach them instead, “Larkay Rulatay Nahi Hain“.
