Mouthwatering jalebees and five rupees off on a Pepsi bottle are not the only things to look out for in this Ramadan – there are a variety of faces you’re bound to run into. On the bright side, the month is all about teaching patience so if you happen to run into any of these individuals, breathe in, breathe out and try your best to not acknowledge their existence.
- The Pakora Aunty
Now, this aunty may be your neighbor, or your phupho for that matter, but she never fasts. You think she’s getting a visit from aunt flow but all month long she will not fast, end up at your dastarkhawan and well – finish the pakoras till you’ve even had a chance to touch the little beauties. There’s no way to keep such aunties away from indulging in your food, but you might want to keep the doors shut; their weakness is the odor of all the edible goodness.
- The Game of Thrones Fan
All this person ever cares about is the series and all they will ever talk about will be the series.
“Hey! How was your fast?”
“It was awful! Awful, I tell you!”
“Was it the thirst, the hunger or the heat?”
“The white walkers, man. They’re back!”
That’s not it. If you ever manage to drag these species into your car for iftar, it’s really unlikely they’ll talk about anything but about how to get the torrent link. The best way to keep them to be less irksome is to blackmail them with spoilers.
- The I-must-Snapchat-Everything
If you think that the obsessive show individuals are annoying, you clearly haven’t met the Snapchatters. It’s their moral duty to Snapchat everything about their day. Their story will include every food item that they had for sehr and iftar and – wait for it – (they think that people are deprived of television sets) they will Snapchat the amount of seconds left for Maghrib every other minute. If their disease is on the last stage, they will Snapchat all preparations, the minor details of salad dressings, glasses of chilled water and sometimes, even a photo of you offering the prayer with hashtags such as #namaz #mybaby #momin #fasting #notkaafir #21minutes2go #chickenbiryani.
The only way to get rid of them is to block them on Snapchat for the Holy month of Ramadan.
- The Walking Dead
Now, these people can only be woken up by their father’s scolding or an earthquake. If you think that you have any chance of awakening them from their deep slumber, you’re strongly mistaken. For them, their Ramadan’s mission statement is: Eat, Sleep, Repeat. But they were wondrous creatures indeed, as they miraculously wake up five minutes before Maghrib.
- The Masokers
These are the most mysterious and interesting kind of them all. They get this name because they are truly in love with masjids and they are smokers. These are the kind who just offer Fajar and Maghrib in the masjid and hardly offer the other prayers – the kind which rush to offer their prayer with a pakora in their mouth because their prayer is oh so important to them. (We all know what the real deal is).
- The Ramadan Divas
These are the most commonly found of the kinds. They are not only everywhere but they’re also quite contagious. Mostly women, these are the individuals who we all know don’t know how to spell religion but a gob smacking change overcomes their partying personality in Ramadan. Usually found hanging in cafes and being rebellious, this kind migrates to their homes to preach religion.
- The Aamir Liaquats
This type branches from the Ramadan Divas but can be found otherwise too. These people will snap at any humor or sarcasm projecting post that their cognition thinks has anything to do with religion. They love Facebook arguments and will do anything to bash you down. They usually call contacts in their list to like their comments to feel invincible. They’re hidden and they’re always watching you and every footprint of yours on social media, ready to pounce on you for any blasphemy.
- The Penny-less
Usually restricted to friends, one penny-less is always found in the group. This is the person who can never ever have money to buy decent food and the group always ends up paying for his/her iftar. Even though you know that his mother gave the person money just last week, the pockets will always be empty. Usually, they spend on hidden lovers or don’t like spending at all.
- That one Washroom Person
There’s this one member in our family whose sole interest is the existence of the washroom. This kind is going to rush through sehr and occupy the washroom only to come out after you all are pretty sure that the time to brush thou teeth is gone. Sometimes, they take a decade to perform wudu so that they don’t have to clear the table after Maghrib. Quite the sneaky beings they are.
Although these people can test our temper, Ramadan isn’t the same without their drama and this is that one month we Pakistanis just adore!
