Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
This rupture was more profound than ever before.
She could hear the pulse in her temples. Throbbing jolts dancing, having a more fulfilling life as compared to her own.
Quivering, distressed fingers played an unsung song of emptiness.
The body refused to cope, and the mind followed suit. She quickly nested her arms around her belly as if to contain the mounting warmth in her stomach; the heat slowly maneuvering its way towards her spine, worrying her about its impending climb up her lungs. It also poured south towards her legs, protecting them from all sensation. Her only solace: the stream of tears that came unconditionally and quite generously. Every gulp of breath pulled something at the corners of her burdened heart, and every pull left her body in rage, pushing the heat further up her chest. She wanted to give way to the friendly cold, put her soul as a sacrifice on the altar of withdrawal and recluse. It was as if all wretchedness and malevolence had drained the soul out of her, to leave behind only an empty frame; a frame at the mercy of inexplicable despair she had fashioned out for herself.
She had never felt so much both in and out of control. Her strength was also her kryptonite. It punished her with feeling she despised the most.
She had squandered days, trying to explain why she was feeling what she was feeling, but she could never make herself believe the reasons she was giving. The lies poured effortlessly out her dry mouth and listeners beyond took them in with as much heed as they could muster, which frankly didn’t amount to much. Her family wanted to know her foes, the demons that bugged her night and day, that had made her a ghost to her surroundings, that had stolen the sparkle of her eyes and the gentleness of her smile; the caress of her embrace and the sweetness of her scent. But she could not tell them that her foes were actually the woes within. That it was the inside that was at fault.
